Surly Snobby

Friday, April 30, 2004

Koorookookoo

Extra points to anyone who knows why I’ve entitled this bloggie the way I have…less points if you’re Canadian and/or born before 1975 (which I definitely was).

Well, I’m not sure how Snobby feels about being an International Canadian Symbol (see yesterday's comments). I am, however, greatly flattered to receive comments from people as far flung (from me) across the world as the UK, Sweden, and Pakistan (who else is out there? Show yourselves, even if you think you’re not from anywhere all that exciting). That the parts of my little bubble I choose to write about – in a modified form, of course – should prove interesting to anyone other than Snobby is greatly gratifying. Unemployment can be very tough and this is one of my many strategies for remaining upbeat (maybe in a couple of years you’ll all get a chance to purchase one of my other ways of remaining upbeat). Groovy, daddio!

And now I should stop contemplating this before I grow one of those humble ego heads, as in: “Gosh golly! Please! Not another compliment! I couldn’t bear it! I beg of you! Don’t say one more nice thing about me! Hush!” Heehee…

So, I think Ice Queen was complimenting me (or at least not insulting me) when she said I’m not typically Canadian. Unsure of what she meant exactly, I toyed with the idea of asking her to write a guest spot on my blog. But then, as I do take the occasional request, I decided to tackle the issue myself. Ice Queen, feel free to add or subtract.

Why Snobby Isn’t a Typical Canadian:
  • Snobby’s parents are American.

  • Snobby loathes hockey (and most other sports – they pre-empt “The Simpsons”!).

  • Snobby cannot ice skate.

  • Snobby cannot ski.

  • Snobby understands and agrees in part with many of the reasons for Quebec separation, even if he doesn’t believe it to be the correct course of action.

  • Snobby tells those who annoy him that they annoy him, and not always with a smile on his face.

  • Snobby tells those he likes that he likes them.

  • Snobby does not make stupid American jokes while talking about how much fun he had in New York, Las Vegas, Los Angeles, etc, while using his American computer, American TV, American movies, American music, American cell phone, American clothing (made in sweat houses in India, the Philippines, etc) because he finds that hypocritical - although he hates the current administration and their foreign policy.

  • Snobby actually is bilingual, not the pretend bilingual they teach in school.

Why Snobby is a Typical Canadian:
  • Snobby was born and raised in Canada and has lived nowhere else except for one year in Rhode Island, one year in Poland…and several years in Quebec, as some already consider that “somewhere else” ;-)

  • Snobby doesn’t think –20C is such a big deal; he’s experienced –45 several times.

  • Snobby prefers beer to all other forms of alcohol.

  • Snobby was caught in the confusion of Canada’s conversion to metric and therefore measures his height in feet and inches and his weight in pounds. However, he measures distance in kilometres, food in grams, liquid in litres, and temperature in centigrade (except for when he's cooking when he uses farenheit to set the temperature on the oven).

  • Snobby writes with a mix of British spelling (colour, centre, programme) and American spelling (tire, memorize) but knows both systems and therefore scoffs at British versions of American books and American versions of British books (like those loathsome Harry Potter “translations”. The Magician’s Stone? Gimme a break.)

  • Snobby owns several toques, although none with a pompom.

  • Snobby is pretty lefty in his political leanings, in comparison to our average neighbour to the south, although not as much as I was when I was younger.

  • Snobby automatically compares everything Canada does to the States to see how we measure up. C’mon admit it. We all do it. Especially when we can show ourselves to be supposedly superior. Why else do we fly into such a tizzy of Canadian pride when our pop stars make it big down there?

  • Although Snobby would like to have the opportunity of living abroad again, I would always return to Canada because this is where I’m from and I’m happy to have grown up here.

Tomorrow I’ll try to be funnier. Now I get to do my taxes that are due in a few short hours! Yay Canada!



Haphazardly thrown together by Surly
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