Surly Snobby

Saturday, May 08, 2004

In the Name of Love

Actual conversation late last night/early this morning in a bar between Snobby and Hot Dud, an amazingly cute shirtless boy with big muscles, bigger ego, and itty-bitty brain cells:

Hot Dud: Hey.

Snobby: (Intrigued and a little aroused) Hey.

Hot Dud: I came over here 'cause I wanted to talk to your friend, but he looks kinda busy.

Snobby and Hot Dud survey Slut Kitten grinding against whomever’s closest somewhere near the dance floor.

Snobby: (No longer intrigued) Kinda.

Hot Dud: Hmmmm…(staring around the room despondently. Gives Snobby the once over and shrugs). You’re kinda cute, I guess.

Snobby: (No longer aroused, giving Hot Dud a smile he’s too stupid to interpret) Wow…thanks.

Hot Dud: No! I like totally mean it! I mean, yeah, I came over to check out your friend, but you’re cute too. Don’t worry (gives Snobby a reassuring pat on the shoulder, which lingers and begins to wander).

Snobby: Phew!

Hot Dud: You just need to get your hair cut. That 70s thing is like so…

Snobby: Oh no! You don’t like it?

Hot Dud: Ha! Ha! But I still think you’re kinda cute. (Slides his hand down to Snobby’s crotch)

Snobby: Do you enjoy use of your arm?

Hot Dud: Wha…?

Snobby: (giving Hot Dud a look he perfected when he taught English as a second language in Montreal) I said, “Do you enjoy use of your arm?”

Hot Dud: (removing wandering extremity) Wo….so sorry…

Snobby surveys the room for a cuter place to stand.

Hot Dud: So you wanna get going?

Snobby: (Bemused) You have got to be kidding.

Hot Dud: Dude, you have got to loosen up if you wanna get with me.

After the carnage, Snobby brushed off the little pieces that remained of Hot Dud's ego, got his coat and left, stopping to get a hot dog and to sing a rousing chorus of “Stop in the Name of Love” (complete with dance moves) with a very soused drag queen teetering on her stilettos on the corner of Church & Wellesley. He extends his sincerest apologies to the people who live on the corner of Church & Wellesley.

Haphazardly thrown together by Surly
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