Surly Snobby

Friday, June 11, 2004

The Blighted Right

[Warning! This entry contains left-wing, homosexual content. Fans of "7th Heaven" be warned]

Muscle Boy Election Day/Image Hosted by ImageShack.us It’s once again in election time in Canada and we have a wide array of issues with which to bonk each other over the head repeatedly. Do we gleefully decapitate the Liberals for the sponsorship scandal? Do we pummel Paul Martin with abandon around the nether region for his refusal to apologize for the scandal on behalf of the Liberals? Do we force Jack Layton and the NDP to personally lay off each and every one of the filing clerks, receptionists, and CSRs who will be the first to go if his corporate tax scheme comes into effect? What do we say to the Bloc Québécois who thinks most of us are just dandy, but would rather not have to hang out with us so much? Do we feed the Green Party to giant venus flytraps for their hippy dippy view that all humanity needs is a clean planet on which to dance the Maypole and everyone will just get along and cuddle and be all sweet and goopy?

Nah. Those parties are all fine. However as with every election, I find myself only able to focus on the party I don’t want to run my country, not the one(s) I do. Stephen Harper has a platform I have yet to hear anything about because members of his party keep making statements that give the impression that we’re all going to be voted straight back to the 1950s. The Conservatives' focus on issues of social regulation gives me the willies. But I admit I get the willies easily. For example, most TV gives me the willies, like that horrible parody of American/Canadian Idol where they make fun of those poor people in front of millions of cheering, jeering people. It makes me nauseous just to watch the commercials. TV, however, can be turned off. The Conservative Party cannot. It just keeps yakking. Check out what they had to say this week (you’ll notice I’m focusing on one particular issue, and you know why):

Right Wing Lies/Image Hosted by ImageShack.usThe danger in having sexual orientation just listed, that encompasses, for example, pedophiles. I believe that the caucus as a whole would like to see it repealed.
– Cheryl Gallant, Conservative MP on the protection of gays in hate crimes legislation


I think that the biblical teaching is that [homosexuality] is not a natural kind of relationship…[The Ontario Human Rights Code] says if you are a religious organization, you have the right to discriminate on the basis of your faith.
– Frank Luellau, Conservative Party candidate for Kitchener-Conestoga


He's been asked to make it abundantly clear that he would respect the decisions and lifestyles of consenting adults
– Stephen Harper, leader of the Conservative Party, attempting to be contrite


And a couple of detractors:

Wintering in Florida is a lifestyle. People's loving committed relationships are neither lifestyles nor behaviours.
– Alex Munter, of Canadians for Equal Marriage on why Harper’s reaction isn’t strong enough


It is quite clearly, almost defiantly, not the Progressive Conservative party. I've found in campaigns, you really can't hide who you are.
– Joe Clark, former leader of the Progressive Conservative Party who refused to have any affiliation with the party when it merged with the Canadian Conservative Reform Alliance Party (CCRAP – really!) and renamed itself the Conservative Party


I like Clark on his social issues. I wish he had decided to run this time.

Apocalypse/Image Hosted by ImageShack.usThe Conservatives go on and on about lowering taxes (which I like, although I also like free medicare and affordable post-secondary education) and regulating social norms. Through some twisted logic, one can hypothesize therefore that the lower the taxes, the tighter the constraints on our morality must be according to the Conservatives. If they don't take steps to control society once taxes have been lowered and animalistic urges begin to pound through us all, who knows the devastation that could occur?! As people have been basically doing what they want anyways, is the COnservative Party strong enough to restrain each and every one of us as our primal, jungle instincts begin to take control once taxes have been lowered? By God! They must immediately cease promising to lower taxes as it obviously causes society as a whole to go beserk and engage in sexual acts with members of the same sex willy-nilly and have abortions whenever it likes. This last point is odd you think about it because if everyone's having sex with members of the same sex, where do the babies come from? And with no babies, the human race will die out. Lower taxes = homosexual behaviour & abortions = birth rate of 0% = THE END OF CIVILIZATION AS WE KNOW IT! We cannot let this happen!

Lovely Ajay/Image Hosted by ImageShack.usIf the Conservatives win, which they very well might, I want them to practice the fiscal responsibility they preach. I do not want them to lecture women on their bodies. I do not want them to equate my marriage to Ajay with pedophilia.

So this is another election where I won’t get to fulfill my lifelong goal to vote Green. Here I go with my strategic voting again. I always for against. I never vote for.



Haphazardly thrown together by Surly
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