Saturday, November 06, 2004
Well if it's for your well-being, I’ll answer your question.
Blog Explosion is high school . You pretend to make a lot of friends by going to visit as many sites as you possibly can for 30 seconds, while feigning interest in pictures of someone’s chinchilla Mr. Foopy Face. And in return, precisely one half of your new ‘friends’ come to your site and feign interest in your brilliantly witty observational discourse on the state of the humanity and the world at large.
After they’ve stayed the exact minimum amount of seconds they're they’re obliged to stay, and maybe even after having left a comment stating how much they just love your blog and how gorgeous your blog is, they will turn around and backstab you by clicking on the banner all Blog Explosion bloggers surf by and give you 2 Blog Explosion stars out of a possible 10 Blog Explosion stars. The goal of Blog Explosion is to be voted Homecoming Blog. You see? High school.
I admit that I found it fun at first. I enjoyed the comedy of some of the absolutely atrociously mundane things out there that people think should fascinate others. I also have found some lovely reads (Merry Meet, Robyn the Good Witch of the East! היי , Ani! Howdy, Joshylin! Hi … um … Mud Woman and … erm … Bollocks Guy!), and some very friendly folk have left some very sweet comments here. It was also fun at first to see the amount of my daily visits shoot up to the sky.
For the most part, however, Blog Explosion involves slogging through the “Evangelists”, the “Democrats are evil”, the “Republicans are dumbasses”, the teenage girls who think they have the deepest, darkest souls in the whole wide world, the “Let’s go hunting” hetero cliché guys, and the people who think that everyone will be just thrilled to pieces to read all about their fecal occult test, complete with pictures (If you don’t already know what this is, you don’t want to know. Please trust me). I actually take the time to read most the blogs shoved in my face.
So there you, Blog Explosion social climbers. Give me 0 Blog Explosion stars out of a possible 10 Blog Explosion stars. Block me. Go tell Teacher on me, complaining about how I said mean things about you. In high school, I spent a lot of time on the front steps smoking while managing straight A's. Some things never change, I suppose.
Why am I bothering to write about Blog Explosion? It’s because I’m taking a break from my NaNoWriMo thingie, which is going rather well, and the ols Explosion seemed like a really fun target. The word count is a little below where I think it should be on Nov. 6 although I’m already a little more than 10% finished. As far as first drafts go, I think it’s looking pretty good. I am a very severe critic (has anyone noticed?). I’ve posted an excerpt on The Event Horizon, where I am an irregular contributor. At the time of writing, the excerpt had been read by approximately zero people. I’m telling myself that it’s because everyone is intimidated by my obvious genius. Yes. That must be it.
But back to Blog Explosion. Can you believe that some people actually want this eyesore to be the first thing you see when you alight upon their blog? It’s like being assaulted by Las Vegas! No. Wrong imagery. Too classy. It’s like being assaulted by a video lottery terminal:
And if you click on the banner above and sign up, I get more traffic. Not that I care or anything. Really.
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